“I felt in control of something in my life and I think that’s why I liked it so much.

“I’d been bullied at school and I’d been in an unhealthy relationship. These two things, I think, had knocked my confidence.”

She lost five stone and admits even size six clothes were too big for her.

Things came to a head when she became so weak she collapsed at home and husband Jamie had to call an ambulance for her.

It was when she was in hospital that she got help to fight her condition from a nutritionist, mental health experts and the county’s only eating disorder charity, First Steps Derbyshire.

She slowly began to eat properly again.

And it was a sign that she was regaining a healthy weight when she and Jamie learned they were expecting a child. Anorexics lose so much weight that they can struggle to conceive.

“I’m not cured,” she said. “Every day, I have to fight with the voices in my head but it’s different now – because I win the battle.

“I know I have to eat because I’m having a baby.”

Catherine ate nothing for weeks and was starving herself to death.

But now the 27-year-old never misses a meal.

The recovering anorexia patient is following a new healthy eating plan because she's having a baby.

"I'm 13 weeks pregnant," said Catherine, who lives in Wilmorton, Derby. "I've had my first scan and the picture is wonderful."

Catherine and her husband, 28-year-old Jamie, who works as a structural engineer, are thrilled to be having a baby.

The wonderful news signals the start of something special in both their lives – Catherine's steady recovery from her serious and life-threatening eating disorder.

Anorexics often lose so much weight they are unable to become pregnant. Expecting a baby signals that Catherine is regaining a healthy weight but means she also has to stay healthy for the sake of her unborn child.

"I'm not cured," she said. "Every day, I have to fight with the voices in my head but it's different now – because I win the battle.

"I know I have to eat because I'm having a baby."

Catherine always eats breakfast. She "picks at" a sandwich at lunchtime and says she never misses her dinner.

In between meals, she tries to snack.

"I've had waffles with chocolate sauce and ice cream and I really enjoyed it," said Catherine, who works as a learning mentor.

"I celebrated news of my pregnancy with something lovely to eat. I'm not cured – don't think the anorexia has gone.

"I'm not sure it will ever really leave me but I am working my hardest to overcome my problems with food."

Catherine has no idea what she is having – she says she does not care. She has two wishes for her baby – to be happy and healthy.

"I think we're going to try to find out what sex it is when we have our next scan but we'll have to wait and see.

"If it's in the right position and we can tell what it is, then I'd be thrilled."

Catherine's husband is patiently waiting to paint the nursery pink or blue.

"We've just moved into our new place," said Catherine. "We've decorated everywhere apart from the nursery.

"If we're lucky enough to find out what we're having, we'll be able to paint it how we want it.

"It's such an exciting time for us."

Catherine says all she has ever wanted to be is a mum.

But when anorexia took hold of her life, she says she lost her dreams – including this one.

During her darkest days, she says she did not care about anything or anyone – including Jamie, her parents or her closest friends.

At her lowest point, she said she never wanted to have children. She was dying.

"I wasn't telling the truth," said Catherine. "I was mentally ill and I just couldn't see a way out. My eating disorder had truly taken over my life and nothing else mattered."

Catherine says she started to watch what she ate when she was about 20 years old. Colleagues at work were dieting and she decided to join them.

Before she knew it, she was counting calories and exercising on a regular basis.

She says she was not overweight when her diet began. She had a healthy body mass index or BMI.

"I found it quite easy to lose weight and every time I lost a bit more, it gave me a really good feeling inside," said Catherine.

"I felt in control of something in my life and I think that's why I liked it so much.

"I'd been bullied at school and I'd been in an unhealthy relationship. These two things, I think, had knocked my confidence.

"Dieting and losing weight was something I could be in control of. It was mine and no one could interfere with it."

Catherine's weight steadily started to drop and within the next couple of years she says she had lost about two stone.

She started cutting out certain foods from her diet and exercising became a vital part of her day.

She walked, she went to aerobics sessions and even bought an exercise bike.

"If I was going out for tea, I exercised like crazy before the meal," said Catherine. "That way, I felt like I deserved to eat.

"At that point, I didn't have an eating disorder, I had disordered eating.

"I remember going to see the doctor and it was a complete waste of time. The GP told me to go away and eat some biscuits.

"I was made to feel stupid, like I didn't have a problem. But I knew something was beginning to happen to me.

"I knew that I'd changed in some way. My attitude to food was different.

"I hate hearing that people with eating disorders aren't taken seriously. Doctors need to spot the signs and do their utmost to help people.

"I was fobbed off and told to go away. I had a serious problem and no one was there for me."

At her worst, Catherine stopped eating altogether. But before she got that bad, she had started to spend huge amounts of money on food.

She bought massive cakes and would take them home to "chew and spit".

Afraid to actually eat anything, Catherine would cut off big slices and put them into her mouth – but just for a few seconds.

After savouring the taste, she would spit everything out into a bucket. Episodes like these could last for 18 hours.

"It's horrible," she said. "It's just horrible to even explain. I was in a bad place and this is what I did.

"I was reducing what I ate on a daily basis. Each day, I cut something else out.

"What was OK one day wouldn't be OK the next.

"There were times when a spoon of sugar-free jelly was too much for me to eat."

Catherine's weight plummeted. She does not want to reveal the exact figure but says she lost five stone in total. She says that size six clothes were too big for her.

"You don't have to be a certain weight to have an eating disorder," said Catherine. "I want to make this very important point.

"I don't want to say how low my weight got because you can be any weight and be anorexic.

"I want people to know this. How much you weigh does not signal whether you have an eating disorder."

When Catherine collapsed at home, Jamie called an ambulance. She was rushed to the Royal Derby Hospital where doctors revealed that her BMI was dangerously low and she was extremely unwell.

"I think I'd been crying out for professional help for so long, being taken to hospital probably came as a bit of a relief.

"My mum had begged me to eat and so had Jamie – but I just couldn't do it for them.

"The more they pleaded, the more determined I was to say no.

"In hospital, everything changed. I told them that I'd not eaten for a month but I think they saw the signs.

"They knew I needed help. I got support from the day I arrived. Looking back, I looked so thin. I didn't even look like a woman. My periods had stopped and my chest was flat.

"I was like a skeleton."

Catherine's stay in hospital last summer was a turning point in her life. Someone recognised she had an illness and hospital staff were willing to help.

"They said I was ill," said Catherine. "And that was the start of me trying to look after myself better. At least someone credited me with the fact that I was poorly."

A nutritionist worked with Catherine to help kick-start a new eating plan. At first, Catherine refused to be put on a drip because she was frightened that the glucose in the medicine would be high in calories.

Derbyshire Mental Health Trust also made contact with Catherine.

"My nutritionist was fantastic. She helped me to start eating again. I think I started with a spoonful of yoghurt.

"Then we moved on to a tablespoon of cereal for breakfast. The only thing I couldn't ever drink was orange juice."

Catherine spent a month in hospital and wants to thank everyone for supporting her.

Staff from First Steps Derbyshire – the county's only eating disorder charity – also visited her.

"I don't think I spent more than two hours on my own," said Catherine. "So many people came to see me.

"First Steps Derbyshire was amazing and brought me colouring books to do. How nice was that? When I got out of hospital, I started to attend its support group.

"Even now, I still access the service. The team are amazing and everyone cares so much about people with eating disorders.

"I know I wouldn't be so well today if it wasn't for all the people who helped me."

Catherine says fighting her eating disorder has been a battle. To this day, she says she is still only "recovering".

But finding out about the baby has put an excited smile on her face and a spring in her step. It is a dream come true.

"When I started to feel better about myself, I started thinking about what I wanted in life," said Catherine.

"I knew I wanted to start a family but I never really thought it would happen.

"Jamie and I talked about it and we decided that we both wanted it. I had started to put on weight and my eating plan was still going strong. It was time to see if I could get pregnant."

In October, Catherine received the news she had been waiting to hear. She was pregnant.

"We were thrilled," she said. "It's what we both wanted and I can't tell you how happy we are. I can't find the right words," she said.

Catherine's news had thrilled the whole family – especially her and Jamie's parents. She says she cannot wait to have a new baby to look after.

She wants to give her son or daughter the world.

"I'm not saying that my eating disorder has gone," said Catherine. "It's still in my head but now I have a baby in my tummy – and he or she has to come first.

"There are still times when I don't fancy eating much and I could easily skip breakfast, or something else. But I know I have to think about the baby now.

"I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Being pregnant is amazing. I'm so grateful to be given the chance to become a mum.

"I'm a lot stronger now. I still wish there had been better help for me, but I can't change the past.

"First Steps Derbyshire is a fantastic support service. I want this article to give people hope. I want to tell people that there are people out there who care.

"I still have to work hard to enjoy food – and I probably always will. But I'm getting there and that's why I'm sharing my story."

FIRST Steps Derbyshire works to raise awareness and understanding of eating disorders.

The charity, which is based at 126 Osmaston Road in Derby, was founded by Cathy Cleary.

She still runs the self-help group along with other people who have been personally affected by eating disorders.

Next month, during Eating Disorders Awareness Week, First Steps Derbyshire has teamed up with Derby's Quad Arts Centre.

For the first time, it will run an exhibition at Quad to enable local artists and sufferers of eating disorders to showcase their work.

The project aims to increase people's understanding of eating disorders.

Art will be used to articulate thoughts and feelings that cannot easily be put into words – something that is often difficult for people affected by eating disorders.

This activity aims to reduce the social isolation and discrimination that sufferers of eating disorders often experience, by supporting access to positive art activities.

First Steps Derbyshire hopes to make long-lasting changes in people's attitude towards eating disorders.

Participation workshops will also be held during the exhibition week at Quad, in a bid to engage the public.

The launch event takes place on Monday, February 20, from 7pm to 9pm.

The exhibition will be open every day, from 10am to 4pm.

"We want to advertise this event as widely as possible in the run-up to the exhibition," said Danielle Sinclair, a coordinator at First Steps.

"It's vital that we raise awareness of this important issue," she said.

To find out more about First Steps Derbyshire, visit www.firststepsderby.co.uk or call Derby 01332 367571.

Source: Derby telegraph: http://www.thisisderbyshire.co.uk/8217-m-battling-anorexia-sake-unborn-baby/story-14278482-detail/story.html